Saturday, February 25, 2006

So... I'm like on OT here at the ministry. and today's a beautiful saturday which i shld have spent at home, rotting away or cultivating some adipose tissues. BUT, being the committed temporary corporate support officer i am, i've come down to join my fellow JAE team members in sorting out and checking the reports and listings for the post-sec postings.

I'm using one of the cubical desktops in the office now cos we're all getting bored waiting for the ITB reports to come out. (or maybe there won't be any, so we're just basically waiting for further instructions). It's been quite a nightmare yesterday as OT stretched till almost midnight. Was a wonderful experience tho, getting cranky and all. Sigh, but i missed dinner with ATP and friends. Missing them loads!

Ahh. and i heard yesterday there was a press release by the ministry, announcing my doomsday on the 1st of March. I'll be reporting for work on that day, then leaving my office in the afternoon to fly back to MJC to collect that piece of paper for doomsday participation, as well as to be showered by looks of pity from the world.

Sigh. I don't know. I really don't know how i'll respond to my results. I know i'm not going to do well, but deep down somewhere, i'm really still in denial. I'm hoping that somehow, SOMEHOW, some miracle will happen and i'll do relatively well. Like an AABB or something. Tiffany was telling me that she's having sleepless nights worrying bout the results. I think that's gonna happen to me real soon too.

What if i do very VERY badly? what if i FAIL A levels? What if i screwed up my GP? What if i get something like a CDFF, D7?

I won't know what to do. I won't know how to face my family and friends and tutors and all who've supported me all this while and expected me to do well. I won't know how to face this failure and climb up all over again. I won't know how to wake up from it. I won't forgive myself...

Sigh. I'm really hoping for the best. I hope my faith will not fail me this time. This wait is killing me... The suspension is really deadly.

Regret: sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment.