Sunday, September 17, 2006

So it's been a week. We've finally completed the series of BMTC POPs, a couple more interesting ones coming up, cos we'll be playing nicer pieces... apart from mundane marches.

Stayin in camp has proven to be quite an experience with too little things to do once it goes dark. I started my jogging regime, and trying hard to stick to it. So pray for me people.

There're issues that're bugging me. I hate the feeling, and i hope it goes away soon. Let this be some passing phase cos i cannot afford to spend any more effort and my life thinking bout it. I need to focus on the things i want to achieve. I need friendship the correct way friendships should be. I need to spend time thinking about how to help my family out with things.

I'm feeling very backward now. Very inferior, very lousy. Apart from a whole load of academic knowledge, my brain's basically empty. I'm not updated with the latest music, with interesting knowledge, with an interest in something, or just a talent. It's as if I've done nothing in the past couple of years to upgrade myself. I've been living for the sake of it all, and doing what life requires me to do.

Yes, I was once a budding musician, learning and practising enthusiastically. But ever since I stopped, due to situational constraints, I had to give it all up. I had to learn to let go of a burning passion, to pour cold water over it. Cos I had to learn how to cope with the pain of giving something up.

As a result, I lost every skill that i used to have, and every ounce of musical knowledge, feel, groove, and touch. I want to relive it, reignite the passion and achieve what I've yet to achieve in the past few years.

Please, let me do this. I cannot lose focus now. I need a drive, friendships, everything.

Take this intense feeling away.