Tuesday, September 05, 2006

*cough cough* DUST !

Okay. So I had my virgin parade today, at BMTC for their POP. Quite a proper learning experience for me, who's extremely new to the duties of a PARADE band. Thankfully, it went pretty smoothly. Minor glitches, but I call them learning opportunities. Nuff said.

It's been a weird one week odd. Been experiencing a different environment altogether, meeting different people, and even feeling differently about people I already know since time began.

I do not particularly enjoying having these mixed feelings, and sometimes they become so strong i feel like giving up being a human being altogether. I hate confusion, and it's exactly what I'm going through.

Argh, let me outgrow this soon.

On top of everything else, I would have to set new quarter year resolutions to lose weight. Staff Tham doesnt want me to increase the size of my No. 3 uniform every 2 months. So i'll have to try and show him that i'll DECREASE the size instead. I need to improve myself in many many many things. I need to learn how to:

1)become less depressed
2)bitch less
3)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
4)improve my handwriting
5)bring back my proficiency in the chinese language
6)be a nicer friend and tease less
7)do away with the crap shit weirdified feelings
8)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
9)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
10)fulfill my resolutions

I hope i'll have enough discipline to work towards them. Been picturing myself with the size and body of Rickson, Fuquan, Dean, Farhan, Yeong Chee, Khairul, and everyone else who's not fat. I think they look gorgeous in normal clothing. On the contrary, I look like shit in the nicest clothing. See, they dont even have to spend time dolling themselves up to look good. And for me, the more i doll up, the more nonsensical I look. Maybe it's low self esteem, but I'm sure many will agree. That's why when we bitch about a person, we go "OMG she's so fat she looks like a pig. Wear so elaborate some more."

Yeah. Benny machiam babi. Sigh.

2 rounds round the standard IPPT 2.4km route. Walk, jog, run, skip or dance whatever. I HAVE to complete that at least 3 to 5 times a week. When I stay in, i'll go for it. FRIENDS WHO ARE WITH ME IN SAF BANDS, HELP. Use this to remind me: "Do you want to remain this size forever?"

I hope it works.

Aah i'll blog when ive something to blog about.