Friday, September 09, 2005

Okay i've come here against the better of my judgement for a quick post because i'm feeling disappointed. year after year, day after day. ive come to realise that it's not how much you do, but rather what you do, who you are, and what people actually think of you. maybe even how you look. maybe people with disgusting side profiles are meant to be ignored. maybe i'm too noisy. maybe i should just really shut up soon enough. maybe, i'm really not worth everything i ever wanted... i feel like quoting one of my old entries. that's an exact depiction of how i feel now...

[Sometimes, you think that you have a very wide circle of friends, but ultimately, people see you as nothing more than an entertainer. a second choice. or maybe a last resort.

Sometimes you think you mean a lot to people around you. But actually, you're nothing more than someone they'll turn to when they need help, someone who'll be there when they're in trouble, someone who will never run out of jokes to and laughter and care and concern, someone who isn't worth something like a present or a surprise.

Sometimes, you yearn for friends who trust you with their innermost secrets, but because of your outgoing, noisy nature, people don't see the trustworthy side of you, and you really become a full time entertainer. a second choice. or maybe a last resort.

Sometimes when you feel tired of talking, and you keep quiet, people realise there's something wrong with you and they go "eh how come so quiet" because the "entertainer" in them has gone all quiet and they're not used to it. that's probably cos you're supposed to be the full time entertainer. a second choice. or maybe a last resort.

Sometimes, a message from a friend brightens your day up, but the next moment you realise that he didnt really mean it cos he forwarded it for the sake of forwarding it.

Sometimes you talk alot to make people laugh, out of the best of intentions. but when it gets slightly overboard, people see you as the main culprit.]

It's almost stupid to feel this way just days before the preliminary examinations. because it takes me more than the prelims last to get over it. only to realise that hopes don't actually materialise.


So i heard Maha Bodhi School Concert Band is launching her 10th Anniversary CD on the 11th of November 2005 and there'll be a concert in school. Well, my sister and i were invited to perform, and also to receive the complimentary copy of the CD... but very sadly, my General Paper(paper) for the A LEVEL EXAMINATION falls on that day. I do hope i'll be able to fork out a couple of hours to go back to mbs and perform though. how i miss those days... i think i will. my next paper is Economics on the 15th of November.

all the best for prelims and promos.

think.