Thursday, May 19, 2005

It's been another huge gap, since i last typed an entry here after SYF. life these 2 weeks has been really really hectic, trying to catch up with the piles of tutorials that accumulated over the band practice days then. apparently, to no avail.

been feeling lots of ups and downs after the huge emotional peak at the SYF results ceremony. mudane as life is, these 2 weeks have been filled with my last duties in the Band Executive Committee, mainly selecting the new leaders of the band and handing down. Also, paying for the much anticipated(hopefully) prom night at the end of the year, paying for A level exam fees etc etc.

Ever seen a friend who's in great disappointment/misery/pain/heartache/sadness, but you could do nothing to help? I believe it's a scenario quite widely experienced by many of us. It's ironic isn't it, how this whole friend thing works. It's like, he/she's feeling really upset, probably crying. and being a friend,or so, the first thing you'd do is go "Hey.. don't cry lah... hmm.. dun be so upset.." and she continues crying, even harder. Really, what roles should a friend play in your life? Is a friend someone who should wait for you after school everyday and hang out with you, study with you and stuff?

sigh. im running out of things to say. i've really lost my ability to think deeply into an issue and comment on it with a considerable level(though not excellent) of language. too much science i guess.

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Read many's blogs and realised that many of them mentioned bout ending band life and stuff, so i thought i'd put in what i think here as well.

Primary 3 then, i was filling up my CCA participation form. And i chose band, without knowing exactly wad was it. And there, i'm stuck to band for the next 8 years or so of my life. This year would've been my 10th year playing in the band. And it's all gonna end for now, for 2 years odd, at least.

It all seemed like yesterday, when i first attended MJCSB's tune in, and saw ms sia and played Rhapsody for Hanukkah for my audition to play for Meridian Revelry; when i first read Emma's sms that went "hey! there's band practice tomorrow for concert, please attend! 9am. cya!"; when i first met dawn and rickson and justin; when i first put on my MJCSB Band Tee; when i first met siok wei after 1st 3 months, when i first formed AGA; when i sat down with the Exco for the 1st ever meeting.

It all seemed like yesterday, when the exco organised Tune In 2004; when Juxtapose! was organised, when the bunch of the craziest year 1s came into the band in their colourful uniforms; when magical people like huikoon, sarah, kin lok, zheng yi, yosua, xuanwei, kenny etc etc etc breathed a new kind of vibrance and colour into the band; when Band Camp Version 1 was in planning; when the exco stayed up all night to fill water bombs, when Dial M for Murder was in execution; when we all were reluctant to break camp.

It all seemed like yesterday when the band felt like a sour place to go cos of SYF tension; when we had daily band practices and school work lagged behind; when i had to run between band room and council room like a mad man for blazers; when we reached VCH in our smart outfits; when we were in the tuning room; when we were outside the concert hall wishing nyjc luck; when we were on stage playing our very very best; when the emcee went "Band No. 4, Meridian Junior College, GOLD!"; when i hugged the crying huikoon; when we did MJ cheers over and over again; when we re-enacted the SYF results scene over and over again...

It all seemed like yesterday...
ONE YEAR. swept past me like the sand of time flowing out of a broken hourglass. Why do i have to go through this bittersweet longing to go back in time everytime i end my term as a band member in the 3 bands ive been in? MJCSB brought me happiness, life, soul, benny. I hate this. i always learn to appreciate things only when im already leaving. I love the band, more than anything else in MJC. I love the Exco, the trumpet section, AGA, and the Year 1s. I love Invictus, focus, persistence, teamwork, success. I love Ms Sia, the piano, my Bach trumpet, the instrument store, every single parquet strip of the band room. I love that whiteboard we always draw on, the mallet percussion instruments. I love the lost and found cupboard, the little corner beneath it where we always plug our mp3 players into the sound system.

But it's all gone now. I'll never get back those times. Tomorrow, i'll attend my last band practice in MJCSB, my last day as Welfare Officer.

It all seemed like yesterday...

Why?

Sigh.