Saturday, September 30, 2006
Hello to the world. Life's been okay, and filled with idontknowwhat'sthemeaningofthem parades. But cool though, loads of learning opportunities since i'm really new in the parade band. The first time i put on my No. 1 dress was this GOH Parade for some taiwan general. I think i look alright, apart from looking like a snowman with golden buttons all over myself.Okay.. I guess my mood's settled down quite a bit, with so much work coming up recently. Everything's going on smoothly, and I'm doing well in terms of my progress for driving and music.
I just need a little bit more luck to pull through.
Till again~
Sunday, September 17, 2006
So it's been a week. We've finally completed the series of BMTC POPs, a couple more interesting ones coming up, cos we'll be playing nicer pieces... apart from mundane marches.Stayin in camp has proven to be quite an experience with too little things to do once it goes dark. I started my jogging regime, and trying hard to stick to it. So pray for me people.
There're issues that're bugging me. I hate the feeling, and i hope it goes away soon. Let this be some passing phase cos i cannot afford to spend any more effort and my life thinking bout it. I need to focus on the things i want to achieve. I need friendship the correct way friendships should be. I need to spend time thinking about how to help my family out with things.
I'm feeling very backward now. Very inferior, very lousy. Apart from a whole load of academic knowledge, my brain's basically empty. I'm not updated with the latest music, with interesting knowledge, with an interest in something, or just a talent. It's as if I've done nothing in the past couple of years to upgrade myself. I've been living for the sake of it all, and doing what life requires me to do.
Yes, I was once a budding musician, learning and practising enthusiastically. But ever since I stopped, due to situational constraints, I had to give it all up. I had to learn to let go of a burning passion, to pour cold water over it. Cos I had to learn how to cope with the pain of giving something up.
As a result, I lost every skill that i used to have, and every ounce of musical knowledge, feel, groove, and touch. I want to relive it, reignite the passion and achieve what I've yet to achieve in the past few years.
Please, let me do this. I cannot lose focus now. I need a drive, friendships, everything.
Take this intense feeling away.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
I'm not a perfect person, far from it actually. Sometimes I do things that I dont know why I do. It's some form of habit acquired through days of putting on a strong front before people.But i think tolerance is something that's really really difficult to learn, let alone master. Tolerance for different principles that people around you live by, tolerance for mistakes, tolerance for difference in lifestyles and habits. It's almost impossible to squeeze a whole group of people under one roof without a single bit of unhappiness going on somewhere. Some people perceive certain procedures as important, while others don't. Some think it's fun to engage in a certain kind of activity, while others may find it annoying. Some think it's worth putting in efforts, while others think it's a total waste of time.
But I think it just takes a little effort from everyone, maybe a little more from those who live very very strongly by certain principles in life, to put down their habits and try to embrace the whole act of living under one roof. It can be fun, OR sour.
I need to reflect. I sort of contribute to this whole tension of living together under one roof. Cos I don't have the consistent habit of thinking before i speak.
I apologise.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
*cough cough* DUST !Okay. So I had my virgin parade today, at BMTC for their POP. Quite a proper learning experience for me, who's extremely new to the duties of a PARADE band. Thankfully, it went pretty smoothly. Minor glitches, but I call them learning opportunities. Nuff said.
It's been a weird one week odd. Been experiencing a different environment altogether, meeting different people, and even feeling differently about people I already know since time began.
I do not particularly enjoying having these mixed feelings, and sometimes they become so strong i feel like giving up being a human being altogether. I hate confusion, and it's exactly what I'm going through.
Argh, let me outgrow this soon.
On top of everything else, I would have to set new quarter year resolutions to lose weight. Staff Tham doesnt want me to increase the size of my No. 3 uniform every 2 months. So i'll have to try and show him that i'll DECREASE the size instead. I need to improve myself in many many many things. I need to learn how to:
1)become less depressed
2)bitch less
3)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
4)improve my handwriting
5)bring back my proficiency in the chinese language
6)be a nicer friend and tease less
7)do away with the crap shit weirdified feelings
8)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
9)lose weight. like, ALOT ALOT of weight
10)fulfill my resolutions
I hope i'll have enough discipline to work towards them. Been picturing myself with the size and body of Rickson, Fuquan, Dean, Farhan, Yeong Chee, Khairul, and everyone else who's not fat. I think they look gorgeous in normal clothing. On the contrary, I look like shit in the nicest clothing. See, they dont even have to spend time dolling themselves up to look good. And for me, the more i doll up, the more nonsensical I look. Maybe it's low self esteem, but I'm sure many will agree. That's why when we bitch about a person, we go "OMG she's so fat she looks like a pig. Wear so elaborate some more."
Yeah. Benny machiam babi. Sigh.
2 rounds round the standard IPPT 2.4km route. Walk, jog, run, skip or dance whatever. I HAVE to complete that at least 3 to 5 times a week. When I stay in, i'll go for it. FRIENDS WHO ARE WITH ME IN SAF BANDS, HELP. Use this to remind me: "Do you want to remain this size forever?"
I hope it works.
Aah i'll blog when ive something to blog about.