Saturday, August 19, 2006
I remember becoming really depressed when I was in Secondary 4, barely 2 and a half years ago. That was like around july, all the way till the O Levels. You know, stressed out and all cos of many many things that happen during your mid teen years.So, I was just flipping through my Student's Handbook then, and found something that kept me going. It's a story called The Cracked Pot. I'll share it with you here. Kinda lengthy. So don't read it if you don't want to.
A water bearer in India served his master by toting water from the stream to his master's home. He carried the water in two pots that hung on either end of a pole balanced across his shoulders.
One of the pots had a crack in it, hence, the cracked pot always arrived at the master's house only half full. For two years, this went on. Everyday the water bearer delivered one full and one half full measures of water to the master. The full pot was naturally happy, proud of its service, perfect to the end for which it had been made. The cracked pot was feeling, on the contrary, very inferior. It was ashamed of its imperfection and miserable that it was only able to accomplish half of what it was made to do.
After an eternity of what it perceived to be better failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer. "I'm so ashamed of myself." "I want to apologise to you..."
"Why?" asked the water bearer.
"For the past 2 years, this crack on my side has let water leak out all the way to the master's house, and i have been unable to deliver but half my load," said the pot. "You do the work carrying me from the stream to our master's house each day but because of my defect, you don't get full value from your effort," sighed the anguished pot.
Kindly, the water bearer told the distressed pot. "As we return to the house today, do notice the lovely flowers along the way."
As the trio went up the hill, the cracked pot noticed the winsome flowers - the sun glistering off their bright faces, the breeze bending their heads. But still, at the end of the trail, the faulty pot felt bad cos it had again leaked out half its load, and again it apologised to the bearer for its failure.
But the bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that the flowers were only on your side of the path? Because I have always know about yout 'flaw',I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and everyday while we wind our way back from the stream, you have watered them. And I am thus able to pick these beautiful flowers to adorn our master's table. Were you not just the way you are, the master would not have such beauty in his house."
A simple story all in all, but quite inspiring for me whenever I feel inferior. It's interesting to see what I used to scribble in my little CCHSM Student's Handbook. Little quotes here and there, some remarks of sadness, happiness and whatnots. Oh well. Such is the beauty found in tangible traces of memory.
Okay so it's practical assessment on monday, graduation on friday, and I'll be posted out(hopefully) to either one of the bands already!
Looking forward to wearing leather shoes everymorning. Haha!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Okay! 12th of August 2006 was a happy day. Quite a fulfilling 19th birthday. Went to fish and co with batchmates dawn, siokwei, justin, junyang, zhenghong, weekiat, puileng, juling, yanqing, geri, baolun, fuquan... and a couple of juniors kenny, xuanwei, zhengyi and paulina. Met donovan up later.It's been long since we last met up, so we talked alot. FUN!!! Presents too, they were really thoughtful. Cute. Eccentric (giant pen).
So, this very special present i received from a friend this year. I'd like to share it with you people. It's a song! A song from Joel. It's JOEL, so we all don't expect anything less than excellent lyrics. And yes, it's JOEL so the lyrics aint disappointing at all. It's a song for me, on my 19th birthday, 12th August 2006.
Thank you Joel. =) And here's to many more years of friendship to come.
Polaroids in Our Minds
When you look back at this day through time,
I wonder if you’ll see the future we all had in mind?
Thoughts of friendship never lost, lovelorn smiles forever forged
On the palette of our youth.
Today I look back at the times we’ve had,
All the moments (quite disparate) through this life we’ve all shared;
Stupid things we used to say, over dinner, at cafes
Framed like polaroids in my mind.
And then I realize how much poorer
My life would have been
Without you to fit the jigsaw’of all the things that I’ve seen,
I just want you to know, with all my heart
We’ve got a future in this world and this is
Where it all starts.
Happy birthday, to you, my friend,
We’ve shared your life together,
We’ve got a little older,
take a good look at these dreams you have,
they’re ours for the taking,
they’re yours for the keeping,
my friend.
Life often fails to show us why
We keep a smile on’our faces to mask a thousand sleepless nights
We feel withdrawn, faraway from the people of our days,
Finding comfort in just being alone.
And then a faded picture starts to shine
In the darkness, freezing cold, that fills the spaces of our mind
We see those pictures of our past, all the smiles- in groups, in pairs,
And think, “we miss those stories of old”.
We wish the world could just reverse
Like a tape on replay
For us to jump back (in sepia), relive every day
But we think to ourselves that things don’t change
What we had, we have today
So come what may
I wonder if you’ll see the future we all had in mind?
Thoughts of friendship never lost, lovelorn smiles forever forged
On the palette of our youth.
Today I look back at the times we’ve had,
All the moments (quite disparate) through this life we’ve all shared;
Stupid things we used to say, over dinner, at cafes
Framed like polaroids in my mind.
And then I realize how much poorer
My life would have been
Without you to fit the jigsaw’of all the things that I’ve seen,
I just want you to know, with all my heart
We’ve got a future in this world and this is
Where it all starts.
Happy birthday, to you, my friend,
We’ve shared your life together,
We’ve got a little older,
take a good look at these dreams you have,
they’re ours for the taking,
they’re yours for the keeping,
my friend.
Life often fails to show us why
We keep a smile on’our faces to mask a thousand sleepless nights
We feel withdrawn, faraway from the people of our days,
Finding comfort in just being alone.
And then a faded picture starts to shine
In the darkness, freezing cold, that fills the spaces of our mind
We see those pictures of our past, all the smiles- in groups, in pairs,
And think, “we miss those stories of old”.
We wish the world could just reverse
Like a tape on replay
For us to jump back (in sepia), relive every day
But we think to ourselves that things don’t change
What we had, we have today
So come what may
Happy birthday, to you our friend
We’ve shared your life together,
And we’ve got a little older
Take a good look at these dreams we have
They’re ours for the taking,
They’re yours for the keeping
Our friend
Even as we start to plan anew
Our brand new lives,
Look at all the poetry
Our good times have defined
Happy birthday, to you our friend
We’ve shared your life together,
And we’ve got a little older
Take a good look at these times we’ve had
They’re there for the taking,
all yours for the keeping
All imprints like a polaroid in our minds
We’ve shared your life together,
And we’ve got a little older
Take a good look at these dreams we have
They’re ours for the taking,
They’re yours for the keeping
Our friend
Even as we start to plan anew
Our brand new lives,
Look at all the poetry
Our good times have defined
Happy birthday, to you our friend
We’ve shared your life together,
And we’ve got a little older
Take a good look at these times we’ve had
They’re there for the taking,
all yours for the keeping
All imprints like a polaroid in our minds
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Maybe some things are just not meant to be yours, no matter how hard you work for it. Maybe, after all, you dont have THAT much control over your life. Cos there's someone out there who's planned your life already, and you don't have that ability to look ahead. So you work aimlessly for something that you wished will belong to you one fine day.Like how someone has alot of passion for doing something, hoping against hope that he'll be able to make his mark one day, and let people recognise that passion; then offer him an opportunity to pursue his passion. Yes, he did it. He made his mark and proved himself. But yet, his efforts were no where near recognised. Why? Thousands of others made their mark too. Some made their mark to an even further extent.
Some of these people have always been outstanding. And aren't these the people the society is looking for? Passion says nothing. What matters is proof. Proof that is built over the years in your life. You will NOT fail for once, or there goes your chance. Like me. There went my chance, years ago.
And i regret. But I can't even cry. Cos that's how the world works.
Then, there's this thing where people dont see your efforts. No matter how much hard work you put in, it's seen as something you're SUPPOSED to do. For granted. On top of that, they surprise you by blaming you for any little thing that goes wrong. You're insignificant at any point of time. And suddenly you become the centre of attraction, the person who needs to bear all the responsibility just because something went wrong.
I don't understand.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Kids should be taught better manners. I was swimming in the condo pool earlier on, and this boy actually called me UNCLE. UNCLE LEH! For goodness' sake, DO I REALLY LOOK THAT OLD?! Urh. But I can't blame him. Cos this callbennyuncle thingy seems to be running in his family's blood. That kid was throwing his goggles around. And his dad said: "CAREFUL! THERE GOT UNCLE AH..." And mind you, I was the ONLY one in the pool, apart from them. Sigh.So I heard i went for MJC's 2nd College Day last saturday. Wasn't too bad, as compared to those student audience. Cos i was there for 3 Awards in total. The Academic one, the Exco one and the Colours for band. AND I went for dinner with my dearest classmates and friends that night! Johnson, Mun, Shauna from S203, Luther and Denzil from S204. Fish & Co at the airport, together with Ms Choo. It was a great gathering! The girls talking about their upcoming uni life, and the guys talking about 1)girls 2)how shit-like our lives are 3)how low our intelligence level is now. But it was fun. I'd love to meet them up some time soon!
Yesterday, I went shopping at IKEA with Rick-Bao, Geri, Fuquan and Jac. Skipping everything, there was this bitch at the IKEA restaurant that pissed me off. Ah whatever. Anyway, the journey home with geraldine was hilarious. We had fun imagining how the world would be like, if tomorrow morning both of us woke up with a perfect physique, and the rest of the world who were once fit, woke up to be obese. Especially those who've laughed at us before, they ought to be GROSSLY OBESE. And i promised her i'd bring her, and we'll sashay into all the boutique outlets to get our favourite clothing.
Till that end, i thought about it for the whole night. It was all for the point of letting people understand the fact that NOBODY WANTS TO BE BORN FAT. It sucks. Thinking about the things people say to you from day to day, the things people say with every act of putting something into your mouth, the way they make it sound like you chose to be fat etc etc etc. It sucks. To see your friends fit nicely into the clothing you want so dearly. You know you can afford it financially, but there wasnt a point buying it cos you'll look like crap anyway. So you get ur friend to try it on, because you like it, and you just wanna see someone in it, although, not yourself. Geri and I were on this topic for almost the whole night at Juling's chalet. [speaking of which, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, JULING DEAR! HAHA. THANKS FOR ALL THE FOOD ALL THIS WHILE!] And, it's obvious. Only geri understands how i feel, and vice versa. Yes Yes Yes, go on, say i'm whining, say i'm the most irritating fat person on earth, say i'm looking down on myself and that no one really thinks i'm fat and ugly. Come on. Comparison is not a conscious act. All it takes is a passing thought that sometimes become a remark that was not meant to be said.
If i had what it takes, if i had no physical limitations, i'll work my life away just to become slimmer. Nothing to lose, everything to gain. Better looks, probably higher self esteem for mutual communication with girls, healthier lifestyle, longer lifespan, lower risks of shit diseases and many more.
But. I don't. I've a limitation. I cant stretch myself too far. It's not even FAR for a start.
Sigh. God, let me wake up a handsome young man tomorrow. Just, 1 day will do. The joy of buying clothes without having to care about how the sales person will react when you ask for a size. The joy of walking into a boutique outlet and hearing the saleswoman say "This will fit you." instead of "Try it on lah! We got size, dun worry."
Urgh.