Tuesday, January 31, 2006

i don't mean to paint a gloomy picture of cny2006 with all that festive spirit going on around me. but. chinese new year, so far, had been disappointing. sadly, i enjoyed less than a fifth of everything since the eve of this lunar new year. twice in a row, i was made to attend something or go somewhere i didnt like to or want to go. and i was made to stay. pardon me for the incoherence of this entry.

reunion dinner. to me, for the past 18 years of my life, it's always been having steamboat with my paternal cousins at my paternal grandparents' place. we'll be sitting down at the dining table, with the steamboat, talking about everything under the sun. then we'll have desert and drinks, and play cards. this year however, i had to spend it with my MATERNAL cousins and THEIR maternal cousins and aunts and uncles and everyone else whom ive probably never seen before in my life. i left my paternal grandparents at home with all the food they've prepared. it PAINS me at the thought of it. and frankly, im tonnes closer to my paternal cousins. they're VERY apparently nicer pple.

then came day 1. visiting used to be something i'd really look forward to. it used to mean meeting all my cousins and aunts and uncles at my paternal grandparents' place, sitting down together for lunch in our nice new clothing, talking away, chatting and catching up on stuff we've missed in the past year. we'll play cards, talk bout band, and talk about stuff we can all talk about. no S papers, no achievements, nothing. just family. BUT. this year, im really really disappointed. i had to rush from place to place. my family went early to offer greetings to my paternal grandparents, and we left like shortly after. i havent even caught sight of my cousins. then we left for my maternal grandma's. and the same thing happened. reason: my mother was rushing for the chinese new yr church service at indoor stadium. (no offence, christian friends). i was really reluctant to go cos i really am NOT into it. i wanted to get back to my grandparents' to meet my cousins up again. but my mother made me attend it. and that took away my entire afternoon + evening of the first day.

but the pastor (joseph prince) was undoubtedly impressive.

the night. the night i enjoyed. the night i enjoyed was as short as the time it takes for a bee to flap it's wings once. i met my cousins up at my aunt's place. and finally got to talk crap and play cards. but only for the miserable 3 hours. then i got home. maplestory was my next best companion. (okay whatever)

day 2. again. rushing from house to house. paternal, then maternal aunt. but i enjoyed my evening from 6 to about 9.30. cos i met up with long lost huifen, junwei, quanming, xiufeng and kailing! and of course, xiufeng's andrew and kailing's terence. it's been so long. we had a really good chat and many laughing sessions. we had mahjong. we had the fun long gone before.

but my mum wanted me at her best friend's place right after my dinner at kailing's. so i went. and i waited in extreme boredom as they first had their fellowship. and then gossiping session. and then bible studies. and then gossiping session again. i felt redundant there. i waited there for a solid 2 and a half hours doing nothing. it's not like im interested in playin with the kids there. they're all below half my age. or even one-third of my age. so i asked what time we could go. and my mum got pissed off.

why? cos she was enjoying herself. and i suggested that i went home first. and she said i was rude to the owner, ie her best friend. and she said i was childish, and she said i didnt know manners. and she said i shouldnt pull a long face AT ALL cos i was in the fault. and yes, that WAS a scolding on the way back home. excellent. on the second day of chinese new year.

i've no idea why i landed myself into such a terrible chinese new year this time. probably gotta do with growing up. things just don't fall in place like it used to. it seems like a really depressing start to everything that's coming. i hope it's not a bad omen that shows something like... err.. my A level results are gonna be screwed? *TOUCHES ALL THE WOOD IN THE WORLD* maybe this is all the bad luck i'll rcv for the coming year. hopefully.

im goin visiting with the juniors tmr. and im hoping that it's going to be enjoyable.

happy cny, nevertheless, to everyone. good luck for the A level RESULTS to my batchmates, and good luck for the A level EXAMS for my juniors. yeah. till again!

i'm apologetic. really... but there are things i must express.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Aaaah. it's CHINESE NEW YEAR SOON! Sorry for the LOOOOOONG break and thanks to all those who have been coming here regularly to check for updates. Life since that week after new year's day had been in a rush, with me looking for jobs day in day out, taking up short term temps and all. So i've been kinda occupied with stuff everyday and i really don't have the mood to type when i get home.

I decided to just log in to clear some cobwebs today cos huijun said it's COBWEBS HQ! Thanks alot huijun, you're such a nice friend. really, i mean, you're so nice to say that my blog's become cobwebs HQ. THANKS AH. THANKS~

so. updates! mjcsb alumni is on the way. college has granted us miraculous access on saturdays into campus WITHOUT a teacher around! so im gathering response now together with juling, rickson and baolun. hope it works out well cos ms lai's lookin forward to the alumni band performing for Joie De Vivre II (YES IT'S A TWO!).

so i heard half the world's in NS already. in a matter of another 4 or 5 weeks it's gonna be another batch of friends enlisting. rickson and i will be about the last 2 to enter NS. urh. and we're juniors in terms of knowledge regarding army stuff.

i'm meeting up my long lost j3 gang this friday for a CNY pot luck gathering! finally. it's been thousands of years since i last saw dawn and siokwei, joel, zhenghong, junyang and the rest of my aga peeps! missing them loads and i really wanna take the chance to catch up with all of them again. they're all either working now or serving the nation, and from day to day, it's almost impossible to meet them up. special people! special memories, special gathering this friday. yay.

i've been meeting up with the juniors for dinner every now and then... hopefully it's not a futile attempt to keep in touch with them. they're all so busy with work now! and the things they talk about now are increasingly sounding like greek to me. maybe it's a senior thing. i guess distance and frequency of contact really makes a difference. oh well but i'm trying my best. sigh...

i'm missing school. i miss the days where i didnt have to worry about adult travel fares, about whether my boss will pay me on time, about whether i was doing a good job, about making mistakes and about being fired cos of reporting late for work. i miss the days where mistakes can be forgiven, help and guidance is at always available whenever i needed them, where i could just spend my life worrying about the next oganic chemistry test, or thinking about which lecture to pon. i miss the days where i could see my friends from day to day, meet them up for recess or lunch, go out and have fun after school, drop by the band room as and when we wanted. i miss the days where tutors used to go "you have no right to a life now. A levels is your life." i miss the days where i had to recite the definition of catalysts with jiayan along the corridors.

this is ironic. im but into my 2nd month since i graduated from mjc. but ive already realised how honeymoon-like school life is. setting aside exams and academic pressure, everything else about school is better than being in the real society. things are harsh and people don't really care. parents' letters are nonsense, a call with a dumb excuse is useless against ur boss, and all that counts is punctuality and impression.

im beginning to get tired of all these running around. when's NS coming?

till again...

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year to all! It's finally 2006, and it's finally time for a long long entry.

Spending the last few hours of 2005 together with fabian, sarah yap, zhengyi, kenny, sookun, pok, donovan, xuanwei, rickson, juling and zhenghong at bed0k reservoir was amazing. It was our own little countdown, with nothing more than pizzas, a few bottles of drinks, and sparklers. It wasn't crowded and noisy and happening, nor was there loud music and deejays. It was just us, and us alone, at the top of that little hill by bedok reservoir. Thanks guys, it was yet another magical night.

2005 had been an extremely eventful year for me. I've so much to write, but i don't know where to start. The recollections and memories of this past year, is overwhelming. They're just like vivid figures rushing thru my mind.

Band camp version 1 & Dial M for Murder had to be one of the most fulfilling things ive ever done in my life. I'll never ever forget that sense of satisfaction, seeing bonds form, and seeing the band becoming one big family. That was when i first felt the satisfaction of being in charge of welfare.

Then came SYF, the most magical moment of my life with mjcsb. The spirit was just amazingly high, and for the very first time, i felt love in mjcsb. I felt like everyone was suddenly connected in some way or another. The most glorious day it shall remain, in mjcsb's history.

Then there was the genting trip, the international band competition. "Emotional rollercoaster" would have been the best words to describe the log of feelings we have experienced throughout the trip. It peaked during the day of the competition. Everyone became everyone else's friends, and they hugged and consoled each other regardless of who it was. The band did well, but everyone was together, feeling the same disappointment with regards to the technical glitch. It was wonderful. The standard of the food served up there aside, the trip was a marvellous one.

My JC life has officially ended(hopefully), and the 2 years, though filled with hardship and terrible school days, had undoubtedly been really happening and meaningful. I could never describe how i feel about all the people i've met in these 2 years. They're the best people around, really. That said, i've a few groups of people whom which i want to express my gratitude towards.

Firstly, my MJCSB clique - AGA. Dawn, Siok Wei, Rickson, Baolun, Fuquan, Eugene, Juling, Joel, Zheng Hong, Meng Yang, Puileng, Jun Yang, Justin. Without them, i seriously wonder if i could even last through JC1. Without the daily dosage of gossiping sessions, crappy dinners and outings, mutual encouragement and helping each other with work, JC life would have been alot less meaningful. You guys are the best people around, and I really hope that we will keep in touch for as long as we can! How I miss those after band times, the steamboat dinner at my place during CNY, and the many many magical moments we all shared. Thanks to all of you. Steamboat dinner again for CNY this year? =)

Secondly, my MJCSB Junior Clique - ATP. Huikoon, Sarah, Sookun, Tsz Yan, Paulina, Kin Lok, Fabian, Kenny, Xuanwei, Donovan, Zhengyi, Yosua. These people made my JC2 year a whole lot more worth living. They're the craziest bunch of juniors you can EVER see. You pple have played a huge role, and made a difference in my life. It's really been enjoyable hanging out with u pple. I dont' know how nice a senior i've been to all of you, but thanks ALOT ALOT for everything you all have done. Do study hard! and remember to keep in touch with me. Love you pple loads... i'll miss you all so much.

Thirdly, MJCSB 2nd Executive Committee (inclusive of Dial M Comm). Joel, Vincent, Weejuay, Justin, Eugene, Baolun, Fuquan. You guys have been wonderful work partners, and i'm really glad we worked together to achieve what we set out to do. Thanks alot for everything, because from each and everyone of you, i learnt things that i never knew. It was really pleasant, and i'm still upset that we didnt take enough exco pictures while we were still in office...shall we go out again?

Fourthly, MJCSB - Refined Ladies' Association and friends. Weekiat, Geraldine, Xiaojun and everyone else... These people make my life complete! They've been valuable teamplayers and nice bitching partners too. Thanks alot!

Then comes the 04S203 civics group mates. They're the people i see everyday. They're the people who tide thru the hard times of incomplete tutorials and failing tests with me, and they're a wonderful group of classmates. I miss the crazy Jiayan with all that daily episode of chinese and canto lessons, and memorising why transition elements are coloured along the corridors. I miss GuanZhen and our gay "bye bye" waves. I miss them all, I miss class!

Great 2005 year, i think. Although there were emotional downs. Also in this year, many things have changed. Interpersonal relations became a whole lot more complex, and there're are increasingly many things that people don't see. Things are in actual fact, becoming more complicated than they actually look. And once again, it feels to me as if i'm done with one phase of life. And the people, the friendships forged, will disappear from now on. It feels as if i've done my part to chain everyone up in this process, then i stay to watch how it happens, and i stay alone.

Sigh. i better snap out of it before i become all melancholic again. Deep down, i'm experiencing pretty complex emotions about everything that has happened. mildly depressed, yet glad. I've no idea why. It's a tinge of jealousy, a tinge of disappointment, a tinge of sadness and a tinge of hopelessness and loss all mixed together.

Some beautiful moments of year 2005:

BAND CAMP V1

SYF CENTRAL JUDGING

INTERNATIONAL BAND COMPETITION - GENTING HIGHLANDS

These few for now i guess, hopefully i'll bother to post more pictures up! Keep in touch my friends! Till again...