Tuesday, September 27, 2005

i miss having good results. the last time ive had a taste of getting good results, was like closing 6 years ago, in the MBS Hall, when i collected my PSLE cert. since then, i doubt ive ever seen really spectacular results already, till today, at JC2, right after the preliminary examinations.

getting good results gives you that amazing feeling of achievement, a sound that tells you that your hard work paid off, something that tells you that you're going somewhere good cos you did well. it's also something that you can be proud of, in this extremely results oriented system, where almost every parent u can find, is an elitist.

i wonder how i landed myself into such a plight, where im actually reduced to hoping for a pathetic 45 marks (for an E pass), or even 35 marks (for an AO pass) in every single test or exam. im not trying to boast or anything, but i used to be confident and everything, with people looking up to me cos im academically strong. but now, i see myself looking up to others who really feels way up above me, cos they in turn, are academically strong. i don't know, this might seem very shallow, but i just cant get over it. sigh...

-the next time you say something, think about how people feel. i'm seriously disgusted. i know that you're academically powerful. but that is no reason for y0u to act like "oh!! im so stressed cos people will be expecting gd results from me... i don't have an A!!! i only got a B!!!" kinda sickening shit. you don't have to stress to people time and again how accomplished you are academically, how you're about to be given great opportunities, or how you can do very well in exams. if you're good at studies, be proud of it. don't act in such a subtle yet insulting manner. everyone's gonna think that i'm engaging in some self pity, and i need you to act subtle so i don't end up weeping and crying cos i feel hurt or sth. PLEASE. that won't be needed. i screwed up myself, my results, that's MY problem. i don't actually need someone to take pity in me and reduce himself to some "oh i did well but i betta keep quiet so benny wont feel upset" fakeoshit. when people ask you for help in doing a certain thing, or seek reassurance from you after an examination, you BE NICE and not act like some "oh, i cant believe you're asking me that question, didn't ur bird brain tell you that the question is easy?" asshole, and give that huhwhyyoucannotdo or omgit'ssoeasybutyoucannotdo kinda face. it's SICKENING. fuck. dammit.

WHY? HOW? DID I END UP IN THIS CRAP?!