there i was.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

i miss having good results. the last time ive had a taste of getting good results, was like closing 6 years ago, in the MBS Hall, when i collected my PSLE cert. since then, i doubt ive ever seen really spectacular results already, till today, at JC2, right after the preliminary examinations.

getting good results gives you that amazing feeling of achievement, a sound that tells you that your hard work paid off, something that tells you that you're going somewhere good cos you did well. it's also something that you can be proud of, in this extremely results oriented system, where almost every parent u can find, is an elitist.

i wonder how i landed myself into such a plight, where im actually reduced to hoping for a pathetic 45 marks (for an E pass), or even 35 marks (for an AO pass) in every single test or exam. im not trying to boast or anything, but i used to be confident and everything, with people looking up to me cos im academically strong. but now, i see myself looking up to others who really feels way up above me, cos they in turn, are academically strong. i don't know, this might seem very shallow, but i just cant get over it. sigh...

-the next time you say something, think about how people feel. i'm seriously disgusted. i know that you're academically powerful. but that is no reason for y0u to act like "oh!! im so stressed cos people will be expecting gd results from me... i don't have an A!!! i only got a B!!!" kinda sickening shit. you don't have to stress to people time and again how accomplished you are academically, how you're about to be given great opportunities, or how you can do very well in exams. if you're good at studies, be proud of it. don't act in such a subtle yet insulting manner. everyone's gonna think that i'm engaging in some self pity, and i need you to act subtle so i don't end up weeping and crying cos i feel hurt or sth. PLEASE. that won't be needed. i screwed up myself, my results, that's MY problem. i don't actually need someone to take pity in me and reduce himself to some "oh i did well but i betta keep quiet so benny wont feel upset" fakeoshit. when people ask you for help in doing a certain thing, or seek reassurance from you after an examination, you BE NICE and not act like some "oh, i cant believe you're asking me that question, didn't ur bird brain tell you that the question is easy?" asshole, and give that huhwhyyoucannotdo or omgit'ssoeasybutyoucannotdo kinda face. it's SICKENING. fuck. dammit.

WHY? HOW? DID I END UP IN THIS CRAP?!

benny. on 10:22 PM

Saturday, September 24, 2005

How much does it take to brighten up your night?

For me, it takes a 2 hour chat with a friend whom ive not seen for a long time.

Huifen left her house keys at home, and her family was out when she came back home. So she came over to my place, since she stays near. And boy, it's been months since i last saw her. Life for both of us had been hectic, with preparations for common tests and prelims and whatnots, meeting each other at the bus stops were nothing more than hi-byes. For once, i thought i'd lost a friend who used to be really close to me. But no! im so glad we could talk about anything and everything like how we used to do.

And of course, not forgetting dearest pals Tiffany, and Leo. I've come to realise, that some people are more worth your efforts and initiatives than others.

treasure people around, treasure the right people around.

Good luck to the JC1s(esp ATP and other band juniors) for promos, and JC2s(esp AGA) for the coming A levels. =)

benny. on 10:55 PM

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Allow me to love my school(no, not mjc this time...sorry mjc. haha.) again! Found this on LEO's new blog layout, taken using his

i-think-it's-very-good-whatever phone, i think. Oh maan... just look at how the edge of the lake forms the line of symmetry between the buildings and the reflected images on the water surface. Just look at how the lake gives this huge tranquil sensation. I miss studying by the lake, with a light breeze and all. (see the concourse? the left most building that extends into the water) I know we don't have a beautiful, magnificent, extremely humongous campus like what RI and HCI has, but well, this lake is to me, a very beautiful thing. My JC life is ending really soon! and i'm still missing my secondary school days a whole lot. How true, to say that ur secondary school days will be among the most unforgettables in ur life.

Ah this is what happens when i stay at home and rot. Things start getting randomised. I just repacked my entire chemistry file from the mess that i created when studying for prelims. i fried an egg for lunch, sat down for tv, played the piano, cleared up my study table, cleaned my room, and tried everything i could. and this is the last resort. so i blogged. it's nothing blogworthy. So HELLO! to all who're reading this.

benny. on 1:48 PM