Wednesday, August 31, 2005
"when you see a new pencil on the rack, will you forget your old one?..."i hate this. back off... no one understands.
why do i always have to be the one?
it's sickening.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
the skies were grey. he sat outside the mall, crouched into some kind of a foetal position, and buried his head between his knees. "Why?", he kept asking himself. "Why must this always happen?". he stifled his emotions and fought hard against the reality. there he sat for hours and hours, oblivious to the world around him. he was all alone again. he had tried all he could in all he did to be a good companion, thoughtful listener, nice friend, active player. but he was still left alone. scenes of what had happened was all it took for another tear to roll down his cheeks. he knew that he shouldn't be cryin, because his tears were his only companion, only listener, only friend. nobody seemed to know that a stormy sea of emotions was whirling within him. a state of confusion, a feeling of being torn apart. he didn't want all that to happen....really, but would any kind soul hear him out? "it's been so long...give up...," his heart told him. but he didnt want to, no he didnt want to. he knew that everything meant more to him than anyone else. but it was not reciprocated, no it wasn't. "Face it, everyone's like that. you're not getting anywhere with self pity. no one cares. anymore." he was told again. he trembled in fear, at the thought of loss. yes, loss, his worst fear. he needed a shoulder to lean on and cry. but he was never able to cry before others. out they came of the mall, and everything suddenly blurred. no it wasn't the rain. he wiped that tear off his cheek on his sleeve, stood up, and forced a smile. somewhere in there, he was all alone again.it's useless. it's all useless. what's the point of trying so hard? it'll all be gone once the year 2006 starts. why why why why why can't life be nicer? i don't know myself anymore. sigh.
peed nwod, on eno yllaer srehtob.
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I miss him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim,
Just to show that I remember him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I miss him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim,
Just to show that I remember him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
A little morbid cos it was blew up a little, but yeah, i mean, if we never learn to keep in touch with people, we just lose them along the way. Let's get back to basics. "Roses are red, violets are blue, it's hard to find a friend like you." This little poem nonsense is often seen in our primary school autograph books. At some point in time i remembered feeling that this poem was stupid.
But now, come to think of it, it kinda makes more sense and meaning that the 12 year old me could have thought of.
Let's all learn to treasure people around us. let me not lose friends a second round in life. sigh.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I was halfway thru my Biochemistry tutorial, when my Windows Media Player played this song. It was a song used during MJC's opening ceremony for the modern dance item, tho then it was a techno remix. I got suddenly (momentarily) motivated by the lyrics of the song, with it's all olympic feel. Indeed, birthday's over, fun's over; and so are the days of O levels when i could get away with tests and exams with last minute studying. I know how much i wanna do well for A levels, and how much i wanna show the world that it doesnt take a genius to do well. I wanna walk out of the MJC hall after my Biology Paper 1 on the 24th of November, at about 9.30am feeling GOOD, feeling happy, feeling satisfied with my performance... I WILL DO IT.
I shall do myself a favour, and i will relive the days when people would look at my result slip and marvel at how well ive done. i will look at the NUS website and worry about which of my favourite courses should i go for(because i'm qualified for too many).
"Band No. 4.... Meridian Junior College.....GOLD."
I'll work hard once again. =) Reach.
REACH
by Gloria Estefan
Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And I'll do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine
If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be stronger
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach
Some days are meant to be remembered
Those days we rise above the stars
So I'll go the distance this time
Seeing more the higher I climb
That the more I believe
All the more that this dream will be mine
If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be stronger
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the testIf I could reach
If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
I'm goona be stronger
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be so much stronger yes I am
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach higher
If I could, if I couldIf I could reachReach, I'd reach, I'd reachI'd reach' I'd reach so much higher
Be stronger...
Friday, August 12, 2005
This is NOT a post to attract attention. it's part of what 18 year olds should do to show that they're 18. =)Dearest Benny,
Happy Birthday!
From:
Benny
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
i was just exploring the chung cheng high school's (MAIN) alumni website, and saw the updated reports on last month's 66th anniversary celebrations, the one i was coincidentally back in school for iforgotwhat'sthereason. ahah, i suddenly realised i do not have that admirable level of patriotism my current ex-VS schoolmates have. 66th Anniversary was as usual, the dumb parade where all the uniformed groups lined up in files, as a mark of salute for the schools rich history(or something like that). then there would the most boring address by the Principal, followed by the Management Chairman, followed by the Alumni Association Chairman, then there was the never-one-year-missing concert, where the branch(now yishun) school band and all other cultural groups put up some song and dance item, followed by the school song and the giving away of a million and one academic excellence awards. sigh. mind you, i wasnt there on invitation. i was an illegal audience, only to be pushed to the very back of the Grand Auditorium, after all that pride i took in graduating from the school.bah.
there was a series of pictures that actually caught my eyes on the alumni website. pictures of The Lake Odyssey- put up at the Esplanade Theatre in celebration of the school's 65th Anniversary in 2004. i know this is a highly outdated issue, but i thought i'd just blog about it, since ive run out of stuff to say. i remembered seeing my Chinese HOD sitting at a corner outside MJC's canteen, trying to sell tickets for the performance. being the respectful ex-cchs-councillor, i went over and greeted her politely in chinese, and obviously stood there and had a chat with her about everything ive lost touch with ever since i graduated. and i got the tickets of course, the $36 ones.
and the day of the concert was definitely memorable. looking at my juniors, all of those from performing arts staging a performance of this scale, i can't help but marvel at their efforts. it was an excellent play, depicting the school motto. and the grand finale was one that almost made me cry... with the long banners coming down from the top on both sides of the stage, on them were the school motto written in chinese calligraphy. then came the Band and Choir behind the backdrop, which was reeled up. all the performers came on stage, while the familiar introduction of our school song rang in the theatre. the audience stood up unanimously, and sang along with the choir on stage. pictures of the school from past to present were projected on the screen... memories overwhelmed me...
on my left were my parents(both were from chung cheng), and on my right were a few men in their 50s, in simple white shirts and black trousers. i realised that they were from cchs too, as they could sing the school song loudly and clearly, with more emotions that i was having then. im pretty ashamed to say this, but they seemed to fully understand the school song as they sang it with their heads high, with pride, looking at the school flag on stage.
The Lake Odyssey left me in awe. i remember feeling how much i missed the school while i walked out of the theatre, and as i saw the many ex-students walk out of the theatre wiping tears off their eyes.
jin1 ri4 wo3 yi3 zhong1 zheng4 wei2 rong2, ta1 ri4 zhong1 zheng4 yi3 wo3 wei2 rong2.
i would have typed this entry in chinese if i could... i miss yang lao shi and Secondary 4 Diligence, the very windy and feng-shui-y councourse, the podium, the band room, those walks beside the lake, the old bio labs... everything.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
THIRTY EIGHT days to the long awaited Preliminary Examinations, which, to a mildly optimistic person, means the liberation from the pains of JC life. well, i don't happen to be midly optimistic, for a very basic(no not basic as in acid-base basic) reason. that i'm not prepared AT ALL for the prelims. haha, but nevertheless, im stepping up. Like the media all over the world had already provided coverage for, benny had taken the first step in life by pulling out his million year old, dust covered chemistry ten year series and worked on 2 chapters today.Bahh.
it really doesnt help to know that all your friends from all other institutions collectively known as "junior colleges" get to go home like as early as 9.30 ? when you're just released from class for RECESS at 9.30, facing a school day that would last for the next 8 or 9 hours, sometimes, 10 or 11 hours. well it definitely doesnt help, as well, to know that your some of your other friends get to go home at 2pm, when 2pm's like your lunch time(which means lessons resume after lunch).
the pulse of my life is settling down on a constant rate, losing it's usual vibrance and colour, tone and interest. MUNDANE is the word i guess. what life! (ms choo: you have no right to demand for a life now.) true i guess, but really, dun mind giving up this bit of life for a more decent A level cert. or prelims results for that matter.
i really miss band. everytime i watch a band perform, memories of my 10 band years come flooding my mind. memories of mbscb, cchsband, mjcsb... and the people.
sigh. i want all these to end.