Monday, April 04, 2005

Okay it's been some time since i last updated my posts so i thought i shld at least drop by during this free general paper tutorial period. life's been extremely busy cos ive been tryin to cope with academic lessons and band rehearsals, been tryin to cope with plannin the upcomin band camp, been tryin to cope with accepting the gruesome, terrifying, disgustingly horrendous block test results.

my results are as follows:
Biology--D
Mathematics--D
Economics--E
Chemistry--F

sigh. nothing close to being glamorous. what can we exactly expect from last minute flipping thru of notes right? oh wells. college life has been mundane (really nothin special bout promoting to year 2; it simply means 1 step closer to the much anticipated A levels). so mundane that i can no longer churn out much blogworthy stuff, or even simple text with any degree of thought and depth. i cant really focus much now on everything i do. it's juz too overwhelming, too many things to handle and cope with. academic pace steps up like how enzymes speed reactions up almost instantaneously, and tutor's expectations shoot right up like wage-price spirals during a mega inflation.

and as always, just when i was beginning to learn how to handle all these, it had to come. that cursed letter from the Ministry of Defence. for a male at 18, the only ministries that send you letters are the Education Ministry, and the Defence Ministry. the former aint nothin much to worry about. the latter creates this immense fear in me. it's a “let it come” thing to many others tho. Medical checkup @ CPMB. Who wants to be born fat and grow up with extra pounds on your body?
Why must I be put thru this? The agony of losing weight, the agony of people cheering you on while you’re on diet, the agony of being separated from your class at PE to do a different set of activities, the agony of coping with weight loss and A levels at the same time, the agony of knowing that you might end up in the army 15 more weeks than your peers.

Then again, people will just say “stop procrastinating and whining away, just get on with weight loss”. Fair enough to be true. But no one will understand the significance of whining, until he sees the need, or intense desire to do so.

Enough about army. I found that living with a façade is really meaningless, but inevitable. Day in day out, you work in groups, you hang out, you lead ur peers in the CCA in achieving goals and braving thru competitions, you say hi and wave goodbye. Which of these came from your heart, came from a reflex action built deep within your heart, your truth and your emotional being? Which of these actually mean a lot to you?


Sigh. Do people nowadays call people only when they have questions to ask about their tutorial or lecture or academic content? Don’t friends call up each other to ask how they are now, or to say hi, or to complain about life, or to whine bout people around them, or to confide in each other? Everyone’s become so practical, including me. Do things for the sake of (i) doing it, or (ii) benefiting from it.

I miss the times in chung cheng.
In sec 4 Diligence.
In band.
In trumpet section.
In Creative information department.
In the endless fun and laughter by the school lake.

“Hey I saw this new pencil on the rack when I went to Popular just now! I think I shall juz throw this pencil away. Use so long already, from primary 5 until now.. dun like it already. I want that new pencil!”

do you/all of you remember those by your side?

“What's losing an old lousy pencil compared to scoring well for A levels?”

“Might as well invest on a newer and better one...”

I'll walk away…

Peace out! I’ll try hard to come back between now and SYF.