Friday, January 21, 2005
A precious diamond when everyone needs you... speck of dust when not needed.
Tell me if that wasnt for me to see... Tell me if those words weren't meant for me to hear... Tell me if you didn't want me around... Tell me if i was a nuisance... Tell me if i should have been elsewhere... Tell me if i am the one... Tell me if i was supposed to disappear from your view... Tell me if i belonged to a world different from yours...
And I'll leave.
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As you unknowingly erase your memory, your memory feels the pain. memories contain pple who care for you. and the people who care for you feels the pain too. why? why be so cruel and leave your memories behind while you "move on with your life"?
It's really a wonder how pple can sometimes notice your presence for that little while, then forget totally about you the next minute...
Remember you suddenly again...
And there he goes, leaving you all alone...
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Am i not myself again? Am i losing this only chance for me to recover from everything i've lost?
The soul prisoner, is once again locked up. Nobody has the keys to unlock that prison. Nobody...
sigh.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
When you see a new pencil on sale in the market, will you remember your old one who braved with u thru PSLE or O levels?
When you see a cuter, nicer puppy in a pet shop, will you remember your own dog who's waiting everyday only hoping to make you a little happier after each day of stress and work?
When you see a new wallet with the latest and coolest design, will you still remember the old ragged wallet that felt warm and familiar in your pocket for years?
When you see hear a new song that you like, will you still remember that song that used to make you cry everytime you listened to it?
When you go to a new school you like and you meet classmates whom u thought were really really good, will you still remember your old school where you spent the most interesting times of your life in? where the teachers and classmates cared so much about you?
When you see a better tomorrow, will you remember the yesterday that you were struggling to survive ?
When you see a better tomorrow, will you remember the yesterday that was so tough and rainy?
When you see a better tomorrow, will you remember the people who were with you, for you, by you one yesterday?
It's sad how much the term "move on with life" means literally. you move on to the next phase of your life and leave everything behind. including people who used to be there for you, who used to and still care for you as much as the past, including the memories of working and striving together, including memories of having fun, joy, laughter, tears and all the memories of every single moment you spent with pple.
no doubt, moving on with life means meeting new people. when you meet new people, you meet new confidantes. and good friends. and more good friends. and you realise your memory follows you till as far as he can go, and stops. he never follows you anymore because he doesnt feel the need to. you're formulating new memories, and you're erasing him with every step you take. it pains him.
Is there a difference between friendships built over 10 years and friends you've juz met but a year ago?
"Many people regret yesterday and fear tomorrow. But for me? I will not fear tomorrow cos i know i can be friends with you forever, nor do i regret yesterday, cos one yesterday, i met you."
Till again~ peace out!
-SYF GOLD FOR MJC SYMPHONIC BAND....-
Friday, January 14, 2005
Ok. it's chinese period now and as usual, my classmates are having the worse time of their lives in the tutorial rooms, with me slackin around in the college library. i realised how much work can be covered in JC2 within juz 1 week. yes, the direct aftermath of orientation fun is this entire weight of undone work on u. Stress.
I juz realised i haven't completed the Econs tutorials on Economic growth and National Income Accounting, Maths tutorials on Vectors both I and II, bio tutorials on hereditary genetics and transport in plants, chem tutorials on alkenes, arenes, halogen derivatives, phenols, and the new chapter completed, aldehydes and ketones. i'm juz so dead. and there's a test on monday. a MATHS test on vectors and mathematical induction. i'm so gonna fail. sigh! bad start for january huh. and feb is like... comin so soon.
Weird things jus happen sometimes when u dun wan them to happen. i guess i need to learn how to concentrate better and not get affected by stuff.
To tiffany: i hope you're doin well. now in jc 2, it's still the same. i'm but a phone call away every night...smiLe!
Also, had a meeting with Kelvin Tan yesterday about the workplan for the band this yr. and yah, we're exactly 110 days to SYF. sounds really really little. but im thirsty, for a Gold medal. i wanna relive the days of MBS Band, where we got a Gold in the first SYF we ever took part in. MJC Band will shine.
peace out for now.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Ok. i thought i should update my blog again. PAE Orientation 2005 is finally over! Really had a blasting time with fellow OGLs cheering, playing and setting the freshies (aka Year 1s now) on FIRE. It was totally awesome, and was definitely a good learning experience for handling and crowd management. Made me realise to yet another depth, the importance of team work and self emotional control. Gathered some thoughts after orientation though... which i would like to share.
Recalling 3rd Jan, on the first day of orientation, saw the freshies. Got a terrible impression of some of them cos of stuff like dyed hair and bad uniform sense, of course, also from the way they talked and did stuff. But at the end of 7th, i found all of them really really nice people and well mannered individuals, juz... really fun-loving. This whole thing made me realise something before i slept last night... I should kick the habit of judging a book by it's cover. I should stop being so sensitive to every word and comment that people say, i should stop being paranoid always and acting based on emotions, i should stop raising my voice unnecessarily, i should stop believing in authoritative measures, i should stop believing in ordering people, i should stop thinking that i'm a super know-it-all. I should learn to be more open, less sensitive, more welcome to alternative opinions, more agreeable to ideas from the crowd, less like a leader-leader but more like a servant-leader. I should lead to serve, not lead to lead. This will apply to my position in the band.
Also, when i first met my fellow OGLs of Zosma, i was really really feeling not so good about knowing them. At times, was even critical as to how they do certain things. But i've come to realise that crowd management cannot be done alone, in one person's way, with one person's ideology. I will need a team of people to help out, to come up with a consensus, to bring the spirits up. Of the OGLs, many didnt actually have leadership backgrounds nor positions. But in certain aspects, they could do things with a better approach than me, and look at things from a different and probably better angle. I should also lead to learn.
Orientation 2005 has made me realise how i've failed almost thoroughly as a so called leader, to think that i've had all that training and experience from council and band back in cchs. Experience will not count, without the correct approach of leadership. Times and situations are different, and so experience has to be GAINED in this instance, not USED. Some freshies made me realise this point... Really glad to see potential leaders in the Orientation House.
Above all, orientation experience was pure fun for me. I'll always remember the times. And... i got "taupoked"(it means many guys stacking up on u when u fall on the floor) for the very first time in my life ! while filling water bombs. Not bad actually, makes u feel appreciated.
Peace out.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Toasting with Sparkling grape juice after the concert back at school... cheers!!!
That's some crazy pple in my section... from the left, rickson, auntie dawn, justin, auntie siok wei, junyang and me!
That's peiling, me and juling! haha.
Zheng hong, me and Fuquan...
mY tRuMpEt sectIoN!
Me and Gerald Tan !
there's me, rickson and junyang...~
Junyang, Me, Cherri sista!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Ok it's time for me to type a post with a respectable length after a looooong break. Been rcving loads of tags from frenz complaining that my blog wasnt updated! Finally sat down to read blogs last night, and realised that yup, im about the only one who's not updated my blog about really really important events...
The concert was simply great! Reached school at bout 11.30am that morning. As usual, no one was really there yet, except for some band members and a few fellow excos. Then when my whole [tRuMpEt sEcToN] reached, it was the beginning of all that fun. Thanks to Dawn, Siok Wei, Rickson and Wenqi for your lil gifts and encouraging messages. Sorry for not giving any cos i was too last minute in finding em, and yah, couldnt find any. These fellow tRuMpEtErS are reaallllly sweet.
Reached VCH at bout' 1. Helped with unloading and all that, and finally settled for sectional tuning and running thru of all those stuff written on scores. Den ms sia came, and we had on stage rehearsal till bout 5.15pm. Den it was dinner time, and changing time! Had a really really really great time taking pictures in our concert attire... and then the time came to prepare to go on stage.
Invictus was not really well done, with occassional slips in timings and the not-strong-enough thing. But it sounded relatively okay to me. As usual, due to paranoia, i missed some notes here and there.
Irish Tune was urgh. The audience definitely found it boring!
Variations on a Korean Folk Song was surprisingly pretty neat and sounded nice! Intonation improved slightly for this piece i guess, according to some of my audience frenz. Could be due to the band adjusting to the audience's presence and the hall acoustics.
El Camino Real was a BLAST! It didn't screw up as i expected, and i guess the audience was to an extent impressed that MJCSB could handle the piece with relative neatness, good interpretation and feelings. I LOVE THIS PIECE. tho i screwed some parts of it.
To The Summit was soooooo fun! The conducting experience with an audience behind you at VCH is just WONDERFL. Such a once in a life time thing. I'd never ever ever ever forget that 7 minutes on the podium. Thanks to ALL my frenz who were screaming away behind me!!!
Merry Widow sounded quite ok, but i guess as Siok says, WJ went over excited while conducting. He almost turned into a.... magician! haha. but it was great. he was great. we were all great.
Animation Medley, according to some frenz again, didnt sound as touching as expected. but it was pleasant overall.
Pirates of the Caribbean was nice!! the rhythm work was juz power. but wasnt neat enough. prob due to the band losing focus after the bold repertoire of the night.
Doraemon was the BEST piece that night. the band enjoyed it, i enjoyed conducting it, and the audience definitely enjoyed listening. Was damn high! both the band and the audience. They were clapping and singing away... Woohoo! unforgettable...
Back at school, we had a cheers! session with the sparkling grape juice bought by Justin. Was darned fun!!! YAAAAAAAAMMMMM SEIII.... haha. den photo taking again. sigh! rachel left us at VCH that night. and she's leaving for good... she's leaving MJ, leaving MJCSB, leaving trumpets, leaving us. how i wished no one would have to accept the fate of promos...
Comments on Juxtapose! was that it was a mark improvement from Joie De Vivre, and that the band sounds neater, better, nicer now. For this success of the concert, there are several pple i really really wanna thank.
1) Mr Kelvin Tan, Teacher Advisor, for his continued guidance towards Exco and the band. and his efforts in putting everything in place.
2) Ms Sia, for taking time off every week during the holidays to conduct rehearsals, and for all her attempts to make band practices less serious and more fun.
3) Joel(P) and Vincent Wang(VP), for leading the band to such a great height, and taking us thus far.
4) My fellow exco members namely Baolun and Eugene-for their amazing publicity work esp for the design and printing of the posters and tickets and programme sheets; Fuquan for helping me all along for concert welfare; Justin and WeeJuay for the meticulous attitude while handling tickets!
5) My dearest TRUMPET SECTION for being there with me to practise for the concert all the time, and for livening up the spirits of every band practice, for sharing the best times with me, for sharing all the gossips, for making me feel cared and appreciated, for the all for one and one for all spirit... Rickson for the decisiveness in settling things, Junyang for the very unleashed sarcasm, Dawn and Siok for all the gossips and fun, Wenqi for the lil encouraging messages, Justin for your leadership, Rachel for being with us all the way, Cherri for bein my sista. Thanks alot guys!!!
6) Percussion section--Juling, Zimin, Meng Yang, Peiling as well as Zheng hong for all the gossips, lil band talks and all the get togethers! Thanks alot cos i realised ive made another few good frenz in MJ who share similar aspirations~
7) Junwei, Quanming, Huifen, Tiffany, Luther, Luthfi, Denzil, my sis Joceyln, Dillon, Hazel, Desmond, Feiting, Kha, Nasyrah, Clara Jie, Gerald Tan for turning up and gracing me with their presence and support! Thanks for the flowers too!
8) ALL my MJCSB members for remaining focused and committed throughout the holidays, for burning out and sacrificing the holidays to practise for the concert.
Juxtapose! was really one big project completed by MJCSB in 2004, bridging to all our greater responsibilities in 2005. The concert was to prove that we are a better band now, and it served it's purpose totally. I wish all MJCSB members a better year ahead, and success in the coming SYF Central Judging competitions!
Coming, 2005...
In a blink of an eye, i'm sayin good bye to 2004. For this year, i could say that it was one of the major changes that happened to me in these 17 years of living. Beginning 2004, i hung to the past and refused to let go, i locked myself inside and refused to meet the new environment, to make new friends, to enjoy college life. I realised that friendship was afterall not so simple, was afterall not the strongest of all, could afterall have two sides to it.
i realised that ive lost interest in many things, ive lost time to do things that i used to like to do, ive missed many things in the past, ive realised how realistic this world is. i've realised when you grow older, you can never live in a world of fantasies, you can never live in a world of perfection and can never live the way you desire. You have to work to achieve, you look for friends, they dun look for u. you've got to work to keep things you already have, you've got to take the first step to everything. i've realised that you cannot harp onto your past and never let go.
And so, i've met a coupla new frenz in MJC through my bestest friend Tiffany... Junjie, Luther, Luthfi, Denzil, Gerald Tan are a group of frenz i could hang around in school from day to day, after school and during free periods. They may not be my best friends, but they make me feel appreciated.
My MJCSB Trumpet section make my band life so much more worth living. Group of Dawn, Siok Wei, Wenqi, Junyang, Justin, Rickson, Cherri and Rachel. They're like the angels in Mj to help me tide through the stressful times and times i was down and out. They're always there to give me a smile, no matter what happens. They make me forget every trouble i have everyday.
MJCSB Percussionists Juling, Peiling, Meng Yang, Zimin whom i only got to know and got closer recently are also really really nice pple who share similar aspirations as me to work and strive for the best results MJCSB can get. They are pple i can hang around with after band, and after concerts, hopefully, after school!
My classmates of 04S203 who're the buncha slackiest pple around...to relieve me of stress when they let me know that im not the only one who doesnt finish assignments... haha!
Of course not forgetting my already made friends...
Tiffany and Huifen, who's always been there this whole year to listen to me, talk to me, and also confide in me;who's taken the initiative to keep in touch with me, be with me and remain the closest friends ever. Clara jie who was always there to hear me whine...
In this new year, i hope for several things...
-Better academic results
-More friends, and be better friends with my new friends in mj
-MJCSB get a Gold (/with Honours)
-Peace and prosperity for the world.
Just these few temporarily... will check back again. gotta sleep! it's school tomorrrow again...
Peace out. =D