Saturday, November 27, 2004

I seriously dun understand my mum. Last month she told me that I might need to stand in as her promoter at Taka for like once or twice a week from Nov to Dec. so I thought it was ok since it was like onli once or twice each week and shouldn’t clash with any programmes during the holidays. But now?! She demands that I go to Taka every other day when I have no band practices. For god’s sake! Since holidays started I haven’t even touched my holiday assignments, haven’t layed my hands on my lecture notes, haven’t done a wee bit of revision. The holidays didn’t feel like holidays at all!! Today I’ll have to go for band practice and come back exhausted. Tomorrow? I’ll have to wake up early, change into formal wear and work at Taka for an entire day, squandering my time away cos im not even allowed to bring anything into the shopping centre cos im staff. The day after, band practice again. And the day after the day after? Its Taka again. Like wth?!

So I wont get to do work at all ya? I won’t get to revise and consolidate like wad the tutors want us to do ya? I’m dead meat the moment I reach home nowadays. Seriously, I’d rather choose school. Cos im not obliged to work. I thought I wanted to give my mum a hand since she was busy enough. But now she’s demanding something from me that’s like totally out of my abilities. I’m a JC student for god’s sake! Which JC student works full time at the end of JC1 ?!?! I’ll fail A levels.

Ok fine. And so tonite I decided to tell her wad I really think about this entire situation. I told her truthfully that I was unable to work with her schedule anymore cos band prac’s getting more hectic by the day and the exco is also going to have a lot to do. I told her that I’ll be extremely irregular and also I’ll have no time left for revision (holidays are ending soon, for ur information). FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL, TESTS. So im supposed to continue working and neglect my studies for now? The hols are for me to juggle band and academics not band, work and academics. I’ll die doing that.

Guess wad I got for being honest? SARCASM. My mother was so pissed off with me she was like “fine! Dun do la dun do la. I knew it! I knew it long ago. You’re always the lazy one. Why ur sister can work but u cannot leh?” and it goes on and on. She makes it sound like it’s my fault. And im supposed to feel guilty tonight?! And for the rest of my holidays?! This is not the first time she’s blaming me for not finding a job already. Once right after O levels. Then, June holidays in JC1 when I WAS supposed to be studying for the Mid Yrs. And then, after Promos.

Someone please tell my mother, that holidays are extremely precious to a JC student.

I dunnoe… this juz sux. I hate it. I wanna work for my mum and help her out. It sounds like im disappointing her, but im really choiceless! I must commit to band, AND also finish my entire revision of the yr 1 syllabus. And is there even time left for work?!

Sigh.

Saturday, November 20, 2004
Finally a returN

Not been able to blog lately cos of a terrible fault with the internet connection. apparently some shit freakin dialer automatically installed itself and changed all my internet configurations and being the IT-Idiot me, i was at my wits' end. so... in conclusion, the only way out was--give up and dun give a shit about the computer.

Sigh. wad a pity. the past week odd was the week with my most amount of thoughts and i really had soooo many urges to log in to blogger and record ém down. oh sobz.

I went to Sungei Rengit! (if i did not spell wrongly). and Kota Tinggi in Malaysia. cool places with loadsa beautiful stuff. FIREFLIES inhabiting forest of trees at night for mating! it's like a forest of christmas trees in nature. I was kinda touched by that magnificent view but sadly, no picture taking was allowed on the boat. Fireflies. amazing creatures. for the first time in my life i felt like everything i studied from the moment i started schooling till now had no use at all, had no significance, no impact, no value. I felt that humans afterall could not be that beautiful no matter how much LV or Chanel or Prada or Polo Ralph Lauren we have; no matter how many Red hairdos or Adonis Skin care treatments we have. All the male fly has to do, is to flash 3 times a second to attract a female, and for a moment it could be the most beautiful thing on earth... Touched beyond words. Sigh.

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I've recently realised that maybe we shouldnt tell anyone about our dreams. because some people are so blunt, that the moment they comment about ur dreams, they shatter.

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OGL camp was freakin fun!!! ZOSMA ROX!

till again. im so tired.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Done with today (finally), and oh, moving on to tomorrow...

as if living in this world is a chore, a burden and moving from day to day is a process full of pain and misery.

Isn't it?

I.

Am.

ForgottEn.

its not how well u treat people. it's how people treasure the way you treat them.

just how will things become like the past again?

never i suppose. and that's what pple always say: Life Goes On. true enough. why put in an effort to revive history? but sometimes, the present is just so antagonising that you really want to live in the past.

actually, i'd choose the latter.

peace out.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Not really in the mood to blog properly now but yah i thought i'd juz sae some of my thoughts.

Anyway, before i go on, yesterday was so freakin fun cos after Project Work Oral Presentation Assessment in school (which marks the end of the year long Pre-University Project Work Examintaion), i went out with tiff and gerald tan. boo! The Chung Cheng High and Tanjong Katong ex kiddos!~!

We wanted to have a sweet reminiscence of the past, of Katong food, of Katong LAKSA.... again, i got so reminded of all the times. sigh. den to parkway at MOS, sat down over a cuppa milk tea and we crapped for a straight 5 hours. lol.

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Just went around reading lots of blogs, those whose bloggers i know, and those whose bloggers i do not know. spent the last 2 odd hours doing it since i woke up. i juz wondered how some pple are so scary on the inside... they could look very simple and extremely friendly but on the inside, lots of thoughts are running through their minds. they seem to compromise with everyone at that point of time, but deep inside, they think otherwise. they think that whatever others are doing are a total waste of minutes, are a total waste of THEIR minutes, are a total underutilisation of THEIR talents. scary. too deep to know what they are thinking about at any point of time. hence, they pour out everything on their blogs. and readers freak out about how un-simple they are. if only they say their thoughts out. it could be constructive for all we know. but keeping things to themselves aint going to help anything. it'll just further segregate themselves from the rest of the community.

also, these people seem to make me feel like they somehow look down on everyone else except the place that they came from, that they once belonged. they believe that many principles could only be understood by pple of their species, by people who come from that place he came from. and no one else from elsewhere (possibly did not achieve as much as theirs did) would understand any of the profound theories. however, it seems like these people do not actually know alot. they deem themselves as knowing alot, but often forget that those that they deem they know must be built on many fundamental principles or even theories before they can be functional.

claiming that you know alot won't work. cos there's always someone else WITHIN YOUR COMMUNITY who is more knowledgable than you. claiming that only people of your species can understand theories and knowledge and profound principles won't work as well. cos if that thought and ideology continues, the rest of the community will come to understand as much as your species does. momentary achievements dun really mean anything. it's constant achievements that show what you do. not achieving also doesnt mean anything, it's what you do in hope that you achieve that actually matters. if you derive happiness in working hard, you feel the spirit of people around you supporting you, working with you towards a goal, that's all that matters. not the final product, not a final result. if you only think about what are the techniques to apply and use in order to achieve the best results, then you are merely a goal achiever. not at all a good team player, not one who cares about the process and the lessons learnt. in that case, if your end product ever fails, you'll realise that you've learnt NOTHING at all in the process of doing your end product.

i will say this to insult you openly. yes, you were once a leader so whatever you said are widely believed and followed. i'm telling you now that I KNOW MORE THAN YOU even if we're purely based on paper qualifications. so stop bragging about how much people of your species know and others don't or will never understand. stop hiding your inner thoughts and stop acting like you're okay with everything. it's nonsense. NONSENSE!!! shut up.

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sorry if this entry doesnt make sense cos YES i am talking about a particular person. it's okay. dun think that im talking about you(whoever reads this entry, haha!) ... yah it's no one close to me, no one in the compounds i am in everyday.

cherios. check back soon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

I had a long long talk with k-l-s on the phone 2 nights back. i think its the first time im on the phone with her since we knew each other during 1st 3 months. she's always the strong leader, the cheerful individual, the brave warrier, the outgoing bubbly personality, the person full of smiles. but she was so sad. she broke with her man cos of something she did to hurt him so deeply, and she just wants to save him from all the hurt and pain so she left him.

talked alot though, in my attempt to cheer her up. talked bout our secondary school lives, our friends and encounters.

just hope she's alright now. i think she is!

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Oh. i so miss power rangers. went on kha's blog and saw those power rangers pics she posted. yah and those memories came back again. somewhere in my mind i got reminded of those times where i would rush home after sch to finish homework fast so that i can catch the 5 o' clock show on Channel 5 (the then TCS or SBC, cant remember) and "Go Go Power Rangers!!" haha and i'll be so excited about the Dinozords and those weapons. lol! and my cousins and my sis and i used to play the individual characters of the show and start fighting together... I was Billy--THE BLUE RANGER!! hahaha. sigh. all those times.

I want to leave jc and teenhood and relive childhood again. it was a time of fun, laughter and free of depression and decision making. afterall, all that fantasy that children have about growing up are not that ideal. growing up ain't a good thing i suppose.

Haha oh yes. and captain planet.

Till the next time. peace out!